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Readers' Corner

Staying Together for the Sake of the Children

Yesterday I was sitting in the kitchen of a young mother of three children talking about her family and marriage. I was there in my professional role because she has been having difficulty with the defiant and aggressive behaviors of her middle child, a three year old boy. Our conversation got around to marriage and she openly shared with me that she and her husband were at a cross roads in theirs, and they are both questioning if they should stay together. She said they do not love one another as they once did. What she used to love about him, now really irritated her. Sex no longer held the excitement it once did. Their personalities and behaviors were very opposite. With heightened emotion she said to me, “We can’t just stay together for the sake of the kids!”

I have been working in the field of clinical social work for 35 years. I am married for 35 plus years and I am the mother of two adult children. I too could have said those statements at different points in my marriage, while raising the children. I am sure my husband could have said them too. I can’t even begin to compare my feelings to the ones she expressed yesterday, but it has started me thinking about whether or not people should or shouldn’t stay together for the “sake of the children.” There is literature and research that can support both sides of this continuum. There are personal stories by husbands, wives, children, grandparents, mental health professionals, and others showing support for this many sided coin. After all of these years, and having worked with thousands of children, I can honestly say that I do not have a definite answer to the question-Should a couple stay together for the sake of the children?

I would like to hear from you and what you think about this question. Feel free to include your personal or professional thoughts or stories. I want this to be inclusive of all forms of couples and family. You can post your story online, email it to me at nemesragouzeos@gmail.com or mail it to me at:

Ragouzeos

10 Wildwood Acres  

Newfane, VT  05345

I look forward to hearing from you, and hope to get back to readers on this topic, while maintaining individuals’ confidentiality. dots

by Bobbe Nemes Ragouzeos, M.Ed. M.S.W.

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