Venus Rising

Readers' Corner

The Lesson

There is an end-of-life ritual in Judaism of cleansing the body and dressing it for burial. It is called Tahara. Women do this for deceased females and men do it for the males. This past decade the Jewish ness in me has been awakened. Even though I am in my late fifties, I cannot use the term re-awakened because religious practice during my childhood was inconsistent and not sufficiently inclusive for my diverse social and emotional interests. I still loved the Jewish rituals and customs, and always kept them in my life. It was not until after both my parents died, that I began my own journey into formal religion. I am happy I allowed myself to do that. Religion now offers me comfort, balance and has allowed me to explore the spiritual side of myself. It has enhanced my life, and I appreciate and enjoy the personal and communal connections it has given to me.

I belong to a very liberal branch of Judaism. I would feel too constricted otherwise. Recently some members of the congregation invited me to join their Tahara group. I liked being asked, but I didn’t even know what a Tahara was. When it was explained to me that for women who desire it, the Tahara group do the traditional cleansing and dressing of a dead woman’s body for burial, I was quiet and told them I would think about it. After some thought, I began to feel this would be an honor and privilege. I went to training, did some reading and learned about Tahara, but worried about how I would handle the reality of dealing with a cadaver. Would I be physically disgusted by it? Would I become emotionally upset by her death?

Yesterday morning I received a phone call that a young woman, in her early thirties, had died at our local hospital after a long battle with cancer. Her name was Jessica*. We had been expecting this call because a friend of Jessica’s let us know about her desire for a Tahara upon her death.  We were to meet in the hospital waiting room in 2 hours.  I immediately changed my morning plans, and kept myself busy with work until the set time. In the hospital parking lot I met up with two of the women, we hugged and greeted one another and entered to meet with the rest of our respectful group.

After some organizing and assigning of tasks, we joined in a circle, gathered our thoughts and composure and took some time to center our own energies. Jessica’s friend quietly talked about this wonderful young woman we would soon be joining. She told us about Jessica’s joy, compassion and the love she gave to her family and to others. Many people cared deeply and affectionately her. She had many devoted, caring friendships. She had a long-term committed love with her life partner Ethan. We listened to how Ethan, Jessica and Jessica’s family lovingly faced the end of Jessica’s life together. This gave me the strength of mind I needed to be part of this Tahara and to give to Jessica the proper tending she desired and requested.

In my own private thoughts, during and after the honor of participating in Jessica’s Tahara, I realized that when our living is over, and death occurs, what really matters were the love we shared and relationships we had while alive. This is what we are remembered by. That is who we are and what defines us. Thank you Jessica. You have taught me something important and I am going to try to pass this lesson on others.

*Names are changed to maintain confidentiality